Happy Tax Self Assessment Deadline Day!

 

HMRC Is Shite (www.hmrcisshite.com), also available via the domain www.hmrconline.com, is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

HMRC Will Now Keep Lines Open on Deadline Day

 

Following an outcry over its decision to close its phone lines on 31 January, HMRC has changed its mind.

HMRC will now provide the following.

• An enhanced webchat capacity will be available from 8am to 4pm to cover self assessment, agents, individuals who need extra support, bereavement services and the online services helpdesk.
• The self assessment phone line and online services helpdesk will be available from 9am to 4pm. The Association of Tax Technicians (ATT) has been advised that this will “not be a full self assessment helpline, but advisers will be able to answer common queries and, where needed, arrange a call back for more detailed support”.
• Its extra support team will be available, prioritising call-backs for vulnerable customers.

The Agent Dedicated Line will close on Friday 30 January 2026 at 6pm and reopen on Monday 2 February at 8am.

 

HMRC Is Shite (www.hmrcisshite.com), also available via the domain www.hmrconline.com, is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

HMRC's Deadline Day Hang-Up: Because Nothing Says "We're Here to Help" Like Cutting the Phones When 3.3 Million Returns Are Still Missing

Morning, you frantic filers still staring at blank self-assessment screens with the clock ticking down to 31 January like a doomsday device. HMRC has just dropped their latest masterclass in contempt for the taxpayer: for the first time ever, they’re shutting down the phone lines completely on self-assessment deadline day itself.

Yes, you read that right. On 31 January 2026 – the day millions of you are racing to file before midnight to avoid the £100 automatic penalty – HMRC will not answer a single call. No helpline, no adviser, no mercy. Friday 30 January is your absolute last chance to speak to a human being before the guillotine falls. After that? Silence. Dead air. The sound of your own blood pressure spiking.

With 3.3 million tax returns still outstanding just five days out (and counting), this isn’t a minor operational tweak. It’s a deliberate, brazen “sod off” to the very people who fund their salaries, their sick days, and their botched IT projects. They know the system crashes, the portal lags, the error messages multiply like rabbits, and millions wait until the last minute because life gets in the way. And their response? “Tough. We’re clocking off early.”

This is peak HMRC arrogance:

• They demand first-time accuracy from you or face penalties, while their own software still throws up glitches that would make a 1990s dial-up modem blush.
• They chase grannies for £47 trivial bills, but when 3.3 million people need urgent help on the most critical day of the tax year, the line goes dead.
• They’ve spent billions on “digital transformation” (remember Fujitsu?), yet can’t keep advisers on the phones for one extra day to prevent a tidal wave of late-filing penalties.
• They’ll happily slap on £100 fines, £10-a-day escalations, and now those shiny new penalty points – all while making it physically impossible to get advice when you need it most.

And let’s not pretend this is about “encouraging digital filing”. It’s about cost-cutting dressed up as policy. Fewer calls answered = fewer staff hours paid = more money for mandarins’ bonuses and diversity training consultants. Meanwhile, you’re left screaming into the void, hoping your return submits before the system bluescreens at 23:59.

If this was any other organisation – a bank, an airline, a utility – shutting customer service on the busiest, most stressful day of the year would trigger outrage, refunds, and heads rolling. But because it’s HMRC, and because they have the power to fine you for their own failures, they just shrug and carry on.

So here’s the grim reality for Friday 30 January: get through early, or get stuffed. And on Saturday 31st? You’re on your own, mate. File online if you can, pray the servers hold, and brace for the inevitable “technical difficulties” apology tweet at 00:01 on 1 February.

Tax does have to be taxing.
But deliberately hanging up on deadline day when millions are dangling by a thread? That’s not taxing – that’s torture.

Amazon “Last-Minute Self-Assessment Survival Kit” Suggestions

• Extra-Strength Painkillers – for the headache when the portal crashes
• Triple Espresso Ground Coffee – fuel for the all-nighter
• Noise-Cancelling Headphones – block out the panic (and imaginary hold music)
• “I Filed Before HMRC Hung Up” Mug – victory drink on 1 February
• Laptop Cooling Pad – because your machine will be screaming too

HMRC Is Shite (www.hmrcisshite.com), also available via the domain www.hmrconline.com, is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

MTD ITSA: HMRC's Latest Digital Dungeon – Confused? You're Not Alone, and Here's How to Survive the Bloody Thing

Morning, you bewildered bunch of sole traders, landlords, and side-hustle heroes. If you're staring at your screen wondering what the hell this "new tax digital thing" starting in April is all about – and why it feels like HMRC is about to shove another bureaucratic boot up your backside – pull up a chair. You're not confused; you're rightly furious. This is Making Tax Digital for Income Tax Self Assessment (MTD ITSA), the Revenue's grand plan to drag us all into a quarterly reporting nightmare, all while their own systems creak like a haunted house and helplines play hold music longer than a Wagner opera.

HMRC, in their infinite incompetence, has been banging on about "modernising" the tax system since 2015, but they've delayed, botched, and ballooned the costs so much that even their own estimates put the price tag at £1.3 billion for us punters to comply. And for what? To force you to submit income and expense summaries four times a year instead of once, using "compatible software" that talks directly to their glitchy portals. No more annual self-assessment bliss; hello, endless uploads and the joy of categorising every coffee receipt as a business expense before HMRC decides it's not and slaps you with points (remember that penalty farce?).

Why is this a forthcoming nightmare? Because HMRC couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery. Their track record: Horizon scandals, phantom debts, trivial bills for £50, and now they're expecting millions of self-employed folk – many of whom still use spreadsheets or shoeboxes – to go fully digital overnight. The thresholds? From 6 April 2026, if your total gross income from self-employment or property lettings tops £50,000, you're in. Drop below £30k? You're safe until April 2027. But don't get comfy; fiscal drag means more will get sucked in as thresholds freeze and incomes creep up. Partnerships? Delayed to 2027 or later, but sole traders and landlords, you're the guinea pigs.

The "benefits"? HMRC spins it as "real-time" tax estimates to avoid January shocks. Bollocks. It's more work, more deadlines (quarters end 5 July, 5 Oct, 5 Jan, 5 April – submit by month-end after), and if you cock it up, those new penalty points kick in (two points in two years for annual filers = £200 fine). Plus, an End of Period Statement (EOPS) to finalise each year's figures, and a "final declaration" by 31 Jan replacing the old return. All digital, no paper mercy.

And the software? You can't just email a PDF; it has to be MTD-compliant, API-linked to HMRC's system. You signed up for Sage and binned it because it's pricey? Smart move – their packages start at £10-£30/month but balloon with add-ons. HMRC's free tools? Laughable for anything beyond basics. This is designed to line the pockets of software firms while you drown in admin.

Right, enough ranting (though HMRC deserves every syllable). Let's get practical: how to deal with this shite without losing your mind or your shirt.

Step 1: Check If You're Caught in the Net

• Head to GOV.UK's eligibility tool – search "check if eligible for Making Tax Digital for Income Tax". Plug in your income figures from your last return. Over £50k combined from biz/property? You're mandated from April 2026. Under? Voluntary for now, but why volunteer for extra pain?
• Pro tip: If you're close to £50k, consider timing income/expenses to stay under – but don't game it too obviously, or HMRC will cry "avoidance".
• For landlords: Rental income counts, minus expenses, but watch for joint properties – it's per person.

Step 2: Get Your Records Digital – Start Now, You Lazy Sod

• Ditch the paper. Scan receipts with apps like Receipt Bank (now Dext) or freebies like Adobe Scan. Link to your bank for auto-imports.
• Categorise everything: Income types (sales, rents), expenses (mileage at 45p/first 10k miles, office costs). Use standard categories from HMRC's list to avoid audit red flags.
• Trick: Set up separate business bank accounts – makes feeds cleaner, less personal crap to sift through.
• Nightmare avoidance: Back up everything. HMRC demands six-year retention; cloud storage is your friend.

Step 3: Pick Software That Won't Bankrupt You

You canned Sage – good call, it's overkill for most sole traders. Focus on affordable, user-friendly MTD-compliant options from HMRC's official list (search "find software compatible with Making Tax Digital for Income Tax" on GOV.UK – over 100 choices, filter by free trials).

• QuickBooks Self-Employed: Top-rated for sole traders. Starts at £8/month (often discounted). Auto-categorises bank transactions, mileage tracking via app, quarterly estimates, direct MTD submission. Free trial. Why it works: Simple dashboard, HMRC-integrated, no accounting degree needed.
• Xero Starter: £14/month, but often £7 on promo. Great for invoicing, bank recs, fixed assets. Mobile app for on-the-go uploads. MTD-ready, with advisor support. Scales if you grow.
• FreeAgent: £9.50/month for sole traders (NatWest/RBS customers get it free). Excellent for freelancers – project tracking, time slips, VAT if needed. MTD compliant, intuitive.
• Zoho Books: Free for under £20k turnover, then £10/month. Invoicing, expenses, multi-currency if you export. Clean interface, MTD bridging built-in.
• Free Options: Self Assessment Direct – totally free for basics, creates digital records and bridges to HMRC. Or HMRC's own basic tools, but they're clunky. For spreadsheets lovers: Use "bridging software" like Forbes MTD (£5-£10/month) to link Excel to HMRC without full bookkeeping.
• Tip: Always trial for 30 days. Check for mobile apps (essential for snapping receipts), bank feed compatibility (most major UK banks), and MTD-specific features like quarterly update submissions. Avoid anything without UK support – you'll need it when HMRC's portal inevitably crashes on deadline day.

Step 4: Tips and Tricks to Make It Less of a Nightmare

• Start Voluntary Early: If under threshold, sign up now (from GOV.UK) to test the waters. Get your "soft landing" – no penalties for first year errors.
• Quarterly Rhythm: Set calendar reminders 2 weeks before deadlines. Batch expenses weekly to avoid end-of-quarter panic.
• Reasonable Excuses: If late due to HMRC's faults (system down, wrong advice), appeal with evidence. They've got form for cock-ups.
• Agent Help: If it's all too much, hire an accountant – many offer MTD packages for £20-£50/month. Cheaper than penalties.
• Avoid Common Traps: Don't mix personal/business – HMRC loves disallowing expenses. Track everything digitally from day one. For landlords: Separate property income clearly.
• HMRC "Help": Their webinars and guides are free but dry as dust. Join forums like AccountingWEB or Reddit's r/UKPersonalFinance for real-user tips.
• Ultimate Trick: Lobby your MP. This mess was delayed multiple times due to backlash – keep the pressure on for simplifications.

In short, prepare now, pick cheap software like QuickBooks or Xero, digitise everything, and treat it like a bad habit you can't shake. HMRC's "digital transformation" is just more chains for us while they rack up sick days and scandals.

Tax does have to be taxing.
But thanks to this MTD monstrosity, it's becoming a full-time second job.

Amazon "MTD Survival Gear" Suggestions

• Portable Scanner – for turning paper receipts into digital gold
• External Hard Drive – backup your records before HMRC "loses" them
• "Accounting for Dummies" Book – because HMRC assumes you're an expert
• Noise-Cancelling Headphones – for those webinar snoozefests
• Large Coffee Mug – fuel for quarterly crunches

 

HMRC Is Shite (www.hmrcisshite.com), also available via the domain www.hmrconline.com, is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

HMRC's Penalty Points "Revolution": Same Old Stick, Just Painted a Different Colour – And It Won't Fix a Bloody Thing

Morning, you battle-hardened taxpayers still nursing hangovers from the last brown envelope. Hot on the heels of trivial £50 demands and phantom billions, HMRC has unveiled its latest masterstroke: swapping the automatic £100 slap for late self-assessment returns with a shiny new penalty points system.

Launched in a quiet trial this month (January 2026) for 100 unlucky Making Tax Digital guinea pigs, before rolling out to the masses from April 2026/2027. No more instant £100 sting for a one-off miss. Instead, you get a "point". Rack up enough (two for annual filers in two years, four for quarterly MTD types), and bam – £200 fine. Repeat offenders get the bigger hit, while the occasional slipper gets "leeway". HMRC spins it as "fairer", targeting persistent dodgers rather than honest mistakes. Quote some accountant saying it's a "fairer alternative" and everyone's supposed to cheer.

Bollocks!

This isn't reform; it's window dressing on the same punitive regime that's been bleeding people dry for years. Here's why this points charade won't work and will probably make things worse:

• It doesn't address the root cause: HMRC's own incompetence – Late filing often stems from their glacial processing, wrong tax codes, helpline black holes, or systems that crash more often than a drunk on ice. You miss a deadline because their portal ate your return? Tough – point added. The system that punishes you stays broken.

• More admin, more confusion, more appeals – Now instead of one clear £100 hit, you've got a points ledger to track, thresholds varying by filing frequency, "soft landings" for MTD newbies, and points that stick around until you go two years clean. Good luck explaining that to a pensioner or freelancer who barely understands self-assessment now. Expect a surge in "reasonable excuse" appeals – which HMRC is notoriously rubbish at handling quickly or fairly.

• Repeat offenders were already getting hammered – Under the old system, miss three years running and you're into £10/day escalating penalties plus potential £300 "failure to notify" kicks. The persistent ones pay big anyway. This just delays the pain for the first couple of slips before whacking them harder (£200 per breach once threshold hit). Net result? Same revenue, more resentment.

• It's still revenue-raising dressed as fairness – The £200 fine is double the old £100 starter, and for quarterly MTD filers (coming for incomes over £50k then £30k), four points = four misses = £200 smack. With MTD forcing four times the submissions, the odds of racking points skyrocket. "Fairer"? Only if you believe HMRC when they say they're not just shifting the goalposts to extract more cash under the guise of leniency.

• No incentive to fix their shambles – Why would HMRC bother improving helplines, digital services, or error rates when they can keep penalising from afar? This system lets them hide behind "points" while the underlying chaos (backlogs, sick days, legacy IT) festers.

It's classic HMRC: announce something that sounds progressive ("points like driving licences!"), but deliver more hassle, higher potential costs, and zero accountability for their own failures. The little people get more hoops; the department gets to pretend it's modernising.

Tax does have to be taxing.
But turning compliance into a game of penalty points while your own house is on fire? That's just cynical, bureaucratic sleight-of-hand.

Amazon "Penalty Points Survival Kit" Suggestions

• Calendar & Reminder App Subscription – because forgetting now costs points
• "I've Got Penalty Points" Mug – ironic comfort drinking
• Noise-Cancelling Headphones – for the inevitable appeal hold music
• Shredder (Heavy Duty) – for when the points letter arrives
• Whisky Miniatures – medicinal, obviously

 

HMRC Is Shite (www.hmrcisshite.com), also available via the domain www.hmrconline.com, is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

HMRC Helplines Closed

 

As per HMRC

"Our helplines are currently closed due to a technical issue, which we're urgently working to resolve. We apologise to customers and advise them to try calling us later. Our digital services remain available."

 HMRC Is Shite (www.hmrcisshite.com), also available via the domain www.hmrconline.com, is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"