HMRC Is Shite

HMRC Is Shite
Dedicated to the taxpayers of Britain, and the employees of Her Majesty's Revenue and Customs (HMRC), who have to endure the monumental shambles that is HMRC.

Tuesday, 10 May 2016

HMRC Assessment Day


My thanks to a loyal reader who sent me a summary of his recent experience of the HMRC assessment day at Croydon, when applying for a rapid/surge team vacancy position.

Two other candidates attended the event, both of them had their identities checked but not my loyal reader.

The three candidates were escorted onto a floor of HMRC Croydon Southern House, where around 8 assessors were in attendance.

The candidates were told that rapid and surge team members were shoved willy-nilly into whatever department had a shortfall, the role would inevitably involve a lot of travelling and overnight stays. Having explained the role, the assessment began.

The candidates were taken to an abandoned floor where there were approximately 10 rolls of sellotape. One role was given to the candidates, along with five blank A4 sheets of paper.

The task was to build a bridge within twenty minutes.

The next task involved resolving issues concerning a junior league of 16 teams, where 3 of the 6 pitches available are washed out. The teams had to identify opportunities and "deliverables" in order to ensure the event and associated activities, eg bouncy castle and stalls, still went ahead and that the 200 parents, kids etc were all entertained.

After that came some questions about whether the candidates would mind being told to travel at short notice, and to demonstrate their flexibility etc.

At this stage it was realised that the id of the loyal reader hadn't been checked.The hapless candidate was sent out to East Croydon station to get a passport photo taken, his day ended when he returned with said photo.

Tax does have to be taxing.

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9 comments:

  1. There's nowt new in this life, what goes 'round comes 'round, eventually.
    In a previous incarnation HM Customs & Excise got by quite well, most of the time, by a combination of flexibility from staff and management as well as more than a little bit of improvisation and innovation. Bear in mind that this once proud Department covered a whol;e range of tax and Preventive (big P!) responsibilities ranging from undertaking Immigration and Special Branch related work, ship safety issues and collection of light dues on behalf of Trinity House, Plimsoll Line inspections and measurement and calculation of timber deck cargoes, anti-rabies, drugs, firearms, pornographic and seditious literature controls (cold war era...), distillery duties in the far islands, Coast Preventive work (smuggling interdiction), Road Fuel testing, test betting, exchange controls, physical examination of cargo, Colorado Beetle spotting (look it up)..... anyway, you get the picture, oh yes, and then there was VAT.
    So, for decades, across the country, various grades over the years developed and undertook flexible postings across many work areas (Excise being the most convoluted for some reason?)
    The grades included what were known as;
    Unattached Surveyors (SEO/Senior Officer)
    OCX (Officer of Customs & Excise - HEO/SO/Senior Officer)
    Collection Officers (mainly O/Officer and a Jack of all Trades)
    Subsequently along came the MTF (Mobile Task Forces) and then the Merlin & Tercel teams. Though by many to have been the milch cow for many grades with houses bought as far apart as France on the benefits [at the time]).
    Now of course everything is sub-contracted out with hire cars (tax benefit?) hotels, rail, air fares all paid to ensure staff get around the country. All this at huge additional cost to the tax payer and whilst taking staff away from other front line duties.
    Hope that puts this latest debacle in the making into proportion. As for sellotape rolls, I though that was for hampsters, but I don't wiah to get stuck on opportunities and deliverables, as they say, that might be off-piste.
    As for the photo i.d., don't they have a method of identifying the staff these days, barcode, chip implant and of course, facial recognition or biometrics - its 2016 FFS!

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  2. Nothing new here. 'Just In Time' working was introduced with the aid of stickle-bricks and po-faced arseholes.

    The game at these sort of time-wasting, taxpayer-money-spunking events is to try and work out whether or not the arse-licking twats genuinely believe the shite they're spewing or they're just spineless and simply looking for an exceed.

    More and more, it's true believers delivering this sort of cobblers, which speaks volumes about how admin twats have taken over and those interested in providing a service are being forced out.

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    Replies
    1. You're spot on with this. The public service ethic is gone - that's why the service to the public is so poor in my experience. If you just go along with the overpaid management's latest money wasting fads, play the game & talk the 'management speak' you will get along just fine. Any staff simply doing productive work will have serious problems in a department which does not value real hard work.

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  3. I'll show you just how inept HMRC is very soon.
    It will prove Customs & Excise, HMRC, and CPS as totally useless.

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    Replies
    1. What? Not the Inland Revenue too?

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    2. I shall look forward to your revelations!

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    3. You're getting so very boring

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    4. Hmm, I agree its dragging on, but you know how HMRC works!
      Patience my friend, all will be revealed.
      HMRC are fatally wounded, there is no prospect of recovery, the coffin is made, grave dug, and I'm waiting for the day to bury them.
      I suspect that you think I'm full of shit and yanking your crank!....... Time will prove ALL that I've said so far.

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  4. No, nothing to do with the Tax bods. I've quoted the right departments despite your Sinicism.
    Stay happy, and don't let the bastards get you down !

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