Morning, you frantic filers still staring at blank self-assessment screens with the clock ticking down to 31 January like a doomsday device. HMRC has just dropped their latest masterclass in contempt for the taxpayer: for the first time ever, they’re shutting down the phone lines completely on self-assessment deadline day itself.
Yes, you read that right. On 31 January 2026 – the day millions of you are racing to file before midnight to avoid the £100 automatic penalty – HMRC will not answer a single call. No helpline, no adviser, no mercy. Friday 30 January is your absolute last chance to speak to a human being before the guillotine falls. After that? Silence. Dead air. The sound of your own blood pressure spiking.
With 3.3 million tax returns still outstanding just five days out (and counting), this isn’t a minor operational tweak. It’s a deliberate, brazen “sod off” to the very people who fund their salaries, their sick days, and their botched IT projects. They know the system crashes, the portal lags, the error messages multiply like rabbits, and millions wait until the last minute because life gets in the way. And their response? “Tough. We’re clocking off early.”
This is peak HMRC arrogance:
- They demand first-time accuracy from you or face penalties, while their own software still throws up glitches that would make a 1990s dial-up modem blush.
- They chase grannies for £47 trivial bills, but when 3.3 million people need urgent help on the most critical day of the tax year, the line goes dead.
- They’ve spent billions on “digital transformation” (remember Fujitsu?), yet can’t keep advisers on the phones for one extra day to prevent a tidal wave of late-filing penalties.
- They’ll happily slap on £100 fines, £10-a-day escalations, and now those shiny new penalty points – all while making it physically impossible to get advice when you need it most.
And let’s not pretend this is about “encouraging digital filing”. It’s about cost-cutting dressed up as policy. Fewer calls answered = fewer staff hours paid = more money for mandarins’ bonuses and diversity training consultants. Meanwhile, you’re left screaming into the void, hoping your return submits before the system bluescreens at 23:59.
If this was any other organisation – a bank, an airline, a utility – shutting customer service on the busiest, most stressful day of the year would trigger outrage, refunds, and heads rolling. But because it’s HMRC, and because they have the power to fine you for their own failures, they just shrug and carry on.
So here’s the grim reality for Friday 30 January: get through early, or get stuffed. And on Saturday 31st? You’re on your own, mate. File online if you can, pray the servers hold, and brace for the inevitable “technical difficulties” apology tweet at 00:01 on 1 February.
Tax does have to be taxing.
But deliberately hanging up on deadline day when millions are dangling by a thread? That’s not taxing – that’s torture.
Amazon “Last-Minute Self-Assessment Survival Kit” Suggestions
- Extra-Strength Painkillers – for the headache when the portal crashes
- Triple Espresso Ground Coffee – fuel for the all-nighter
- Noise-Cancelling Headphones – block out the panic (and imaginary hold music)
- “I Filed Before HMRC Hung Up” Mug – victory drink on 1 February
- Laptop Cooling Pad – because your machine will be screaming too
Guaranteed meltdown before the 31st, you can be sure of it.
ReplyDeleteBlame it on the penguins in Greenland. Late filers and bleary eyed accountants galore this week.