HMRC Is Shite

HMRC Is Shite
Dedicated to the taxpayers of Britain, and the employees of Her Majesty's Revenue and Customs (HMRC), who have to endure the monumental shambles that is HMRC.

Tuesday, 28 June 2011

Morale Boosters II - Erratum

Yesterday I noted that sweets were handed out during recent site visits by HMRC directors.

It has been brought to my attention that there is an inaccuracy in what I wrote. Apparently not every site visit was accompanied by the ritual distribution of sweets.

A loyal reader commented:

"we didn't get a bloody sweet!!! all we got was two directors spending half an hour talking about there own career history then a few platitudes.."

Apologies for the error in the original article:)

Tax does have to be taxing.

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  1. Are all those who did not get a sweet going to go on strike over it it.?:)

  2. If someone didn't give you the sweet that you'd paid for over forty years of thankless grind and had contracted with you to give you, wouldn't you?

  3. What next, sticky coloured stars?
    Honestly this bunch are so amateurish they will be appointing tea monitors next.
    HMRC is throwing taxpayers money at the Aspire contract and this is the best it can come up with, heavens above!
    Give the money to charity FFS and sack the idiots responsible.
    Its 2011 and people are trying to drag the HMRC caracass back up the life slope only to be confronted with lunacy, rather than seeing what the sweet wrappers indicate why not try chicken gizzards, tea leaves or rune stones!
    Tax does not have to be taxing, but it certainly shouldn't be fecking stupid.

  4. I've got a great idea. Scrap pensions etc and bring in a rewards scheme based on smarties for good work. The person with the most smarties at the end of the week is the biggest smarty pants of them all! The annual winner could get a trip to the chocolate factory, which is probably abroad these days .... Poland?

  5. Confectionery rewards?

    To be continued when I have worked out the top 10 and why.
    It will be a laugh if nothing else!


    They are sending as many higher grade staff into larger enquiry centres on Thursday to keep them open so if you have a gripe or just want to get to talk to a higher grade or you want to see how little they know about tax (and most of them have never advised in an enquiry centre in their lives)visit a large enquiry centre on Thursday or just go in an request a payment they will not have a clue.

    I heard a rumour today that they have thrown the dummy out of the pram and want a regular enquiry centre worker with them as they don't know what to do.

    Go make their lives as miserable as possible.

  7. in response to my last comment I meant "Thrown their toys out of the pram not their dummies" lol

  8. @28 June 2011 18:04

    That's if they can find one which hasn't been pointlessly shutdown due to the fact they were actually providing a customer service.

  9. I wonder if they'll do the same disgraceful thing they did with Wick the last time a successfully pulled off strike was called e.g. send two managers from London at a huge cost to the taxpayer just so they can claim it was 'open'.

    Though seeing as they want to close it and the next nearest tax office is Aberdeen ('only' some 200 miles away), perhaps they won't bother this time round.

  10. I believe they are only interested in maintaining a presence in the large enquiry centres on Thursday the smaller ones they are not bothered about.

    Sorry to hve taken this subject off topic Ken.

  11. Back to the sweetie thing then

    OK, eyes down for a full house:-

    At no. 10 PERCY PIGLETS - cos they are small, smelly and make a lot of noise and mess, bit like most managers then?
    No.9 KIT KAT - you only get 4 fingers in a KIT KAT, you can get your whole head up your managers arse!
    No.8 MARS BAR - no nothing to do with Mick Jagggers ex. girlfriends' exploits, simply because like management, its a different planet!
    No.7 MALTESERS - no particular reason apart from I like them!
    No.6 FISHERMENS FRIENDS - you work it out!
    No.5 POLO's - fuck all in the middle!
    No.4 HUNDREDS & THOUSANDS - the number of unanswered calls to HMRC contact centres!
    No.3 HUMBUGS - you can make your own minds up on this one as well!
    No.2 AERO - cos like managements brains, its chock full of bubbles!
    And, top of the top 10, as opposed to 103rd out of 103 its...
    No.1 CLITORIS ALLSORTS - cos HMRC is managed by a bag of mixed CNUTS!!!
    Have a good strike one and all.

  12. "What next, sticky coloured stars?"

    How about green and orange coloured squares on a wall chart?

    I know a call center that is using them as an indicator of how the teams are doing.

  13. @28 June 2011 20:30

    OMFG when will they realise that getting a person off the phone ASAP is not a measure of customer service.

    I'm really glad I'm not part of the CC for the time being.

  14. Sweeties for the Plebs.

    How about Plastic turds for the managers seeing that HMRC is well......shite.

  15. Call centres (CC) in HMRC are viewed as the modern day equivalent of the sweat shop.
    Canvas opinion from the average CC worker and you will discover the true joys of working in a Stalin inspired environment where dissent is not brokered and ensuring that the minions comply with dictats and Pacesetter (is there a difference?) is every managers priority.
    If you are a customer of one of these terrible places you will have a better chance of winning the National Lottery than of contacting HMRC successfully and getting an answer out of them that makes sense.
    They are likely to be privatised as soon as the political environment is strong enough and we all know what that means for clarity and understanding and ultimately service don't we?

  16. Anonymous said...
    What next, sticky coloured stars?

    Unfortunately, that sort of nonsense is not unique to hmrc.I went to a branch of my bank and there were staff wear badges with "10/10" and "excellent"

  17. Damn, and I thought McDunkin Do'nuts was the only conglomerate with such a wondeful staff incentive scheme.
    Perhaps Ronald McD should be i/c IT @ HMRC?
    Get Hairnet in a cowboy suit and he is a dead ringer for Milky Bar Kid.
    What about share schemes, RBS, Toyota, Vodaphone, any of the big 6 accountancy PLC's and what about shares in Mapely?
    No, me neither, just gimme the sweeties please.

  18. @28 June 2011 22:05

    That's a bit daft because if you see that and the customer service isn't great then you are only going to be disappointed as you had high expectations.

    You've also just reminded me of the Think 25 badges that some pub chain uses that states "It's my job to ask".

    Wonder if the majority of the public view them as 'jobsworths' like some of the people on this board seem to think HMRC staff are viewed as by the majority of the public. They after all risk losing their job if they make a tiny mistake.