HMRC Is Shite

HMRC Is Shite
Dedicated to the taxpayers of Britain, and the employees of Her Majesty's Revenue and Customs (HMRC), who have to endure the monumental shambles that is HMRC.

Friday, 8 April 2011


InternshipsThe Guardian reports that the Low Pay Commission has criticised HMRC for lax enforcement of minimum wage laws and the payment of interns.

The LPC's annual report recommends that HMRC needs to take stronger action on unpaid internships.

The LPC wanted to see "effective [legal] enforcement" from HMRC, who are responsible for ensuring that interns are paid the minimum wage if their placements can be considered to be work.

Fair enough!

May I suggest that HMRC pay a visit to a certain Deputy Prime Minister (Nick Clegg).

For why?

Read this on Nanny Knows Best.

Tax does have to be taxing.

UK EXPATS: Reduce tax on UK Pensions
HMRC QROPS provider. Unlock your UK pension and access a 25% lump sum today.

Quote ID code "ABC" when contacting a QROPS specialist.

Professional Cover Against the Threat of Costly TAX and VAT Investigations

What is TAXWISE?

TAXWISE is a tax-fee protection service that will pay up to £75,000 towards your accountant's fees in the event of an HM Revenue & Customs full enquiry or dispute.

To find out more, please use this link Taxwise

Tax Investigation for Dummies, by Nick Morgan, provides a good and easy to read guide for anyone caught up in an HMRC tax investigation. A must read for any Self Assessment taxpayer.

Click the link to read about: Tax Investigation for Dummies

HMRC Is Shite (, also available via the domain, is brought to you by "The Living Brand"


  1. This whole issue known as HMRC has progressed from a comedy through a farce and to a complete tragedy.
    What will it take to bring down the curatin on this lowest of the low performers as a final act?

    There cannot be anyone or any professional body out there left to criticise the cast after this?

    Get HMRC2 out now before its too late, employ some leading actors that can toe the line, raise the bar, or better still get on with the f in job and improve the critics reports. There is not a lot wrong with the supporting cast or extras they just need to see a competant director, producer and key grip on board and while they are at it get a couple of good researchers and location scouts!

    Perhaps its time for another Private Eye report, the last one on the Mapely fiasco was spot on - how about Ken, give Hislop a call eh?

  2. And before asnyone says anything a curatin is a Shakesperean cloth cover that was drawn across the stage to close the final act!

  3. Anon 13.54

    If anyone uses common sense and logic to redefine HMRC and eliminate its comedy to farce status, then I will print out this comment and eat it.

  4. HMRC is an equal opportunities employer then?
    Not enough Thespian's?
    Too many drama queens and a plethora of panto dames!
    I feel sorry for the rear end of the horse.
    In music hall days this lot would have been jeered and booed off exit stage left or right, with a shower of fruit andd veg ensuring they need not visit a greengrocer for a month!
    As for a curtain call or Oscars even dream on footlight fairies, dream on.
    copyright - Times Theatre Critic

  5. Yep. That should be HMRCs top priority. Policing pay rates for internships. Does anyone else not give a feck what these middle class aspirants get paid in the effortless transition from Oxbridge to boardroom?

  6. Just an idea, perhaps for the PM to consider?

    Accept, as muxt be obvious that HMRC is a total mess and simply not fit for purpose. Oh, yes, and ditch all the management immediately, the staff can be given professional help to ensure continuity.
    Disband HMRC and the UKBA.
    Re-establish HM Customs & Excise but call it UK Customs, few would protest.
    Re-establish the Inland Revenue and call it simply IR, let it keep PaceSetter for its own warped reasons.
    Re-establish HM Immigration and call it UK Immigration get them to sort out the mess that UK Immigration is.
    Have a prescribed and well resourced UKCTU (Counter Terrorism Unit) because somehow I think we are going to need one.
    Politicians rigorously enforce rules ensuring efficient cross flow of intelligence and joint working.
    Employ specialist staff, trained to Police search standards that are empowered to act anywhere in the UK on behalf of any Law Enforcement Agency, equiup them and pay them bonuses for real success i.e. actually finding things, people etc.
    Any manager of any agency shown to have done, or even not done something for the better of UK PLC is sacked immediately and if negligence or worse can be proven does time.
    Then pass a stringent law that ensures that public servants get the feck on with doing what they should be doing without any further fecking distractions!
    Serve, protect, collect, prevent.
    C;mon Ken, go for it, you might get a gong.

  7. Since it was the SCS twats from Customs that foisted pacesetter on all of us I thing your new "UK Customs" should keep it. It might stop them acting illegally and losing high profile cases costing millions.

    Let the "IR" go back to collecting the bulk of the tax raised in this country - quietly and efficiently.

  8. 9 April 2011 11:23

    Was Pacesetter/Lean not produced/thought up by external business consultants paid millions rather than something HM Customs and Excise invented?

    I worked in Customs for years and never heard of it in my life, even after the merger.
    Colleagues of mine who were under Inland Revenue management were the first ones who reported that system to us.
    I couldnt give a shit, Im not blaming one side or the other.

  9. Well there you go, Pacesetter looks to be a bigger issue than at first thought.
    Blaming former departments won't help anyone, the department, the system, the management, Pacesetter are all bound together by the title of this site, that's right, HMRC is Shite. The SCS and those above them are all as bad as each other, none of them have the brass to statr things as they are in case it affects their bonus prospects.
    I agree, IR should go back to what they do quietly, I doubt the efficiently part though and when the truth gets out about the real state of affairs with IR related taxes look out.

  10. What is the ratio of time applied to Pacesetter to proven improvements.
    I hear that some of HMRC stats collecting is done manually with a member of staff walking around hourly to gather statistics that are totalled manually, produced manually on paper. In 2011 FFS, WTF is going on with this lot?
    If this is an example of Pacesetter then perhaps the Commons Committee has been looking in the wrong place and asking the wrong questions.
    As a taxpayer I am appalled by all that I have read.
    I pity the poor civil servants at the lower level of this pile of dung it looks like a true self preservation society further up the pile, whether former Customs or Revenue.

  11. Pacesetter is the fault of neither HMC&E nor IR. It was brought in because Strathie, acting on the orders of Gordon Brown, was required to decimate the numbers of employees yet somehow improve results. It has failed dismally and the fact that the dept are now the 103rd brigade proves it.

  12. I'm afraid that getting rid of the top layers and having professionals in to support lower grade staff just won't do it any more.
    There are far too many staff employed these days who's only real ability is to read a script. They have no idea of the real mechanics of calculating tax, working out code numbers and dealing with the unusual cases etc that crop up.

    Regretfully they just aren't up to the real job. Not their fault I will agree but the lack of investment in training just hasn't been there for a number of years. Staff, either VAT or IR just aren't up to the job they aspire to have. The exodus of truly experienced staff, who know what they're doing, who understand the basics needs to be plugged to help suport the newer contact centre employees (and when I say newer I mean the last 7 years). If you put them into a back room office, they wouldn't be able to cope. Sad but true.

  13. Yeah but no but yeah, I mean all these peeple paid big bonuses they must be doing someting right right?
    My Aunt Clara is a bookeeper and she says all the dozy bleeders has to do is copy whats on the taxi returns or summat?
    She says they even advertises for taxis and taxying wiv some old bird off the telly.
    Dunno wot all yhe fuss is about my pimp gives me cash innit and you dont have to pay for taxis then.

  14. Is that why Tax(i's) the 2nd oldest profession?

  15. @ 10 April 2011 12:59

    Well if you follow your Aunt Clara then all you are fit for is reading a script (and will probably get that wrong as well).

    Copying from a tax return?

    As I said, the new generation of HMRC employees, whilst being very effective at being smartmouths, just can't do the job that the public need them to do

  16. Yeah s'right
    punter completes a taxi return
    sends it to hmrc
    hmrc copies, scans or coks it all up on line
    me aunt clara said even you couldn't get that wrong

  17. I imagine you are a CCD Advisor on the SA Helpline given you/your Aunt Clara's addiction to completing as SA Tax Return.

  18. Well, so much for the "success" of PaceSetter.

    The other management tool used just as effectively is "business balanced scorecard". As our local management team pride themselves in how wonderfully they have things ticking over in our office using business balanced scorecard, what I want to know is how and why they get away with such lies and deceit given that the work is anything but balanced?

    You only need to spend a few minutes walking around to see the reality: i.e. local management sitting on their useless and incompetent, tick-box-mentality arses, wearing rose-tinted glasses and blinkers. These management twats have not got the first clue as to what is happening under their own noses. As a humble, hardworking member of staff you must only tell the management stuff they want to hear. Should you dare to tell them the truth with some bad news you are immediately castigated for “being negative” and are marked down as a “non-team player”.

    As for the imbalances at grades below management - you only need to spend a few minutes walking around to see the reality there too. Half the staff working so hard they are fast-tracking themselves to nervous breakdowns, and the other half sitting twiddling their thumbs and clockwatching while they build up flexi. Mention these bleeding obvious work imbalance concerns to management and they are in immediate denial. Press them to do something about addressing these imbalances, and guess what - you are immediately castigated for “being negative” and are marked down as a “non-team player”.

  19. From the heart of the "Beast" itself comes proof positive (as if it were needed at this stage) Pacesetter Jargon Buster, yep antother one you couldn't dream up only this proves that HMRC has really lost the plot...there are 11 pages of crap purely given over to the jargon associated with Pacesetter, that's right dear customer, tax payer, reader or whatever, 11 pages!
    What is going on FFS?
    There are even Japanese words and phrases needing explaining listed in the 11 pages.
    How much has this poisoned chalice cost the taxpayer?
    More than you might believe.
    So whether you believe it or not is immaterial, the fact remains that phrases and words like swim lane flowchart, Poka Yoke (aka error proofing) Heijunka, Ishikawa, Jidoka, Kaizen, Muda (Japanese for waste!!!) Problem-Solving "O" (unsure about this, query sexual act), as might Sensai be?
    Take your pick people....
    Were all doomed I tell ye, doomed, aye....

  20. @ comment at 18.32

    You've described the situation in our office perfectly.

  21. @18.32

    Fear not, the "Balanced Business Scorecards" and the associated BBS meetings are on their way out. They are to be replaced with something called "The Hub", from Pacesetter. The ABCD reports are being replaced by the 3 Cs. I've got no doubt that this revolutionary change will put all the ills of the dept to right.

  22. Ah, some good news at last.

    Wait a minute, if you have a hub then you will need to have wheels attached. Knowing HMRC the wheels will be so rigidly attached with a vast array of belts and braces they will have no chance of turning and couldn't possibly come off, yet as we know from their chequered history HMRC's wheels have a nasty habit of falling off no matter how tight these bastards are!!!

  23. Wos appnin? I sense that you people are not embracing The Vision, n shit innit. standard, yeah? We can only get through this by driving continual improvement yeah? innit. ;D

  24. Stop it! Stop it, now. It's erm not big and erm it's not erm cleaver. Play nice! lots of erm love Lesley xxx