HMRC's Deadline Day Hang-Up: Because Nothing Says "We're Here to Help" Like Cutting the Phones When 3.3 Million Returns Are Still Missing

Morning, you frantic filers still staring at blank self-assessment screens with the clock ticking down to 31 January like a doomsday device. HMRC has just dropped their latest masterclass in contempt for the taxpayer: for the first time ever, they’re shutting down the phone lines completely on self-assessment deadline day itself.

Yes, you read that right. On 31 January 2026 – the day millions of you are racing to file before midnight to avoid the £100 automatic penalty – HMRC will not answer a single call. No helpline, no adviser, no mercy. Friday 30 January is your absolute last chance to speak to a human being before the guillotine falls. After that? Silence. Dead air. The sound of your own blood pressure spiking.

With 3.3 million tax returns still outstanding just five days out (and counting), this isn’t a minor operational tweak. It’s a deliberate, brazen “sod off” to the very people who fund their salaries, their sick days, and their botched IT projects. They know the system crashes, the portal lags, the error messages multiply like rabbits, and millions wait until the last minute because life gets in the way. And their response? “Tough. We’re clocking off early.”

This is peak HMRC arrogance:

• They demand first-time accuracy from you or face penalties, while their own software still throws up glitches that would make a 1990s dial-up modem blush.
• They chase grannies for £47 trivial bills, but when 3.3 million people need urgent help on the most critical day of the tax year, the line goes dead.
• They’ve spent billions on “digital transformation” (remember Fujitsu?), yet can’t keep advisers on the phones for one extra day to prevent a tidal wave of late-filing penalties.
• They’ll happily slap on £100 fines, £10-a-day escalations, and now those shiny new penalty points – all while making it physically impossible to get advice when you need it most.

And let’s not pretend this is about “encouraging digital filing”. It’s about cost-cutting dressed up as policy. Fewer calls answered = fewer staff hours paid = more money for mandarins’ bonuses and diversity training consultants. Meanwhile, you’re left screaming into the void, hoping your return submits before the system bluescreens at 23:59.

If this was any other organisation – a bank, an airline, a utility – shutting customer service on the busiest, most stressful day of the year would trigger outrage, refunds, and heads rolling. But because it’s HMRC, and because they have the power to fine you for their own failures, they just shrug and carry on.

So here’s the grim reality for Friday 30 January: get through early, or get stuffed. And on Saturday 31st? You’re on your own, mate. File online if you can, pray the servers hold, and brace for the inevitable “technical difficulties” apology tweet at 00:01 on 1 February.

Tax does have to be taxing.
But deliberately hanging up on deadline day when millions are dangling by a thread? That’s not taxing – that’s torture.

Amazon “Last-Minute Self-Assessment Survival Kit” Suggestions

• Extra-Strength Painkillers – for the headache when the portal crashes
• Triple Espresso Ground Coffee – fuel for the all-nighter
• Noise-Cancelling Headphones – block out the panic (and imaginary hold music)
• “I Filed Before HMRC Hung Up” Mug – victory drink on 1 February
• Laptop Cooling Pad – because your machine will be screaming too

HMRC Is Shite (www.hmrcisshite.com), also available via the domain www.hmrconline.com, is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

MTD ITSA: HMRC's Latest Digital Dungeon – Confused? You're Not Alone, and Here's How to Survive the Bloody Thing

Morning, you bewildered bunch of sole traders, landlords, and side-hustle heroes. If you're staring at your screen wondering what the hell this "new tax digital thing" starting in April is all about – and why it feels like HMRC is about to shove another bureaucratic boot up your backside – pull up a chair. You're not confused; you're rightly furious. This is Making Tax Digital for Income Tax Self Assessment (MTD ITSA), the Revenue's grand plan to drag us all into a quarterly reporting nightmare, all while their own systems creak like a haunted house and helplines play hold music longer than a Wagner opera.

HMRC, in their infinite incompetence, has been banging on about "modernising" the tax system since 2015, but they've delayed, botched, and ballooned the costs so much that even their own estimates put the price tag at £1.3 billion for us punters to comply. And for what? To force you to submit income and expense summaries four times a year instead of once, using "compatible software" that talks directly to their glitchy portals. No more annual self-assessment bliss; hello, endless uploads and the joy of categorising every coffee receipt as a business expense before HMRC decides it's not and slaps you with points (remember that penalty farce?).

Why is this a forthcoming nightmare? Because HMRC couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery. Their track record: Horizon scandals, phantom debts, trivial bills for £50, and now they're expecting millions of self-employed folk – many of whom still use spreadsheets or shoeboxes – to go fully digital overnight. The thresholds? From 6 April 2026, if your total gross income from self-employment or property lettings tops £50,000, you're in. Drop below £30k? You're safe until April 2027. But don't get comfy; fiscal drag means more will get sucked in as thresholds freeze and incomes creep up. Partnerships? Delayed to 2027 or later, but sole traders and landlords, you're the guinea pigs.

The "benefits"? HMRC spins it as "real-time" tax estimates to avoid January shocks. Bollocks. It's more work, more deadlines (quarters end 5 July, 5 Oct, 5 Jan, 5 April – submit by month-end after), and if you cock it up, those new penalty points kick in (two points in two years for annual filers = £200 fine). Plus, an End of Period Statement (EOPS) to finalise each year's figures, and a "final declaration" by 31 Jan replacing the old return. All digital, no paper mercy.

And the software? You can't just email a PDF; it has to be MTD-compliant, API-linked to HMRC's system. You signed up for Sage and binned it because it's pricey? Smart move – their packages start at £10-£30/month but balloon with add-ons. HMRC's free tools? Laughable for anything beyond basics. This is designed to line the pockets of software firms while you drown in admin.

Right, enough ranting (though HMRC deserves every syllable). Let's get practical: how to deal with this shite without losing your mind or your shirt.

Step 1: Check If You're Caught in the Net

• Head to GOV.UK's eligibility tool – search "check if eligible for Making Tax Digital for Income Tax". Plug in your income figures from your last return. Over £50k combined from biz/property? You're mandated from April 2026. Under? Voluntary for now, but why volunteer for extra pain?
• Pro tip: If you're close to £50k, consider timing income/expenses to stay under – but don't game it too obviously, or HMRC will cry "avoidance".
• For landlords: Rental income counts, minus expenses, but watch for joint properties – it's per person.

Step 2: Get Your Records Digital – Start Now, You Lazy Sod

• Ditch the paper. Scan receipts with apps like Receipt Bank (now Dext) or freebies like Adobe Scan. Link to your bank for auto-imports.
• Categorise everything: Income types (sales, rents), expenses (mileage at 45p/first 10k miles, office costs). Use standard categories from HMRC's list to avoid audit red flags.
• Trick: Set up separate business bank accounts – makes feeds cleaner, less personal crap to sift through.
• Nightmare avoidance: Back up everything. HMRC demands six-year retention; cloud storage is your friend.

Step 3: Pick Software That Won't Bankrupt You

You canned Sage – good call, it's overkill for most sole traders. Focus on affordable, user-friendly MTD-compliant options from HMRC's official list (search "find software compatible with Making Tax Digital for Income Tax" on GOV.UK – over 100 choices, filter by free trials).

• QuickBooks Self-Employed: Top-rated for sole traders. Starts at £8/month (often discounted). Auto-categorises bank transactions, mileage tracking via app, quarterly estimates, direct MTD submission. Free trial. Why it works: Simple dashboard, HMRC-integrated, no accounting degree needed.
• Xero Starter: £14/month, but often £7 on promo. Great for invoicing, bank recs, fixed assets. Mobile app for on-the-go uploads. MTD-ready, with advisor support. Scales if you grow.
• FreeAgent: £9.50/month for sole traders (NatWest/RBS customers get it free). Excellent for freelancers – project tracking, time slips, VAT if needed. MTD compliant, intuitive.
• Zoho Books: Free for under £20k turnover, then £10/month. Invoicing, expenses, multi-currency if you export. Clean interface, MTD bridging built-in.
• Free Options: Self Assessment Direct – totally free for basics, creates digital records and bridges to HMRC. Or HMRC's own basic tools, but they're clunky. For spreadsheets lovers: Use "bridging software" like Forbes MTD (£5-£10/month) to link Excel to HMRC without full bookkeeping.
• Tip: Always trial for 30 days. Check for mobile apps (essential for snapping receipts), bank feed compatibility (most major UK banks), and MTD-specific features like quarterly update submissions. Avoid anything without UK support – you'll need it when HMRC's portal inevitably crashes on deadline day.

Step 4: Tips and Tricks to Make It Less of a Nightmare

• Start Voluntary Early: If under threshold, sign up now (from GOV.UK) to test the waters. Get your "soft landing" – no penalties for first year errors.
• Quarterly Rhythm: Set calendar reminders 2 weeks before deadlines. Batch expenses weekly to avoid end-of-quarter panic.
• Reasonable Excuses: If late due to HMRC's faults (system down, wrong advice), appeal with evidence. They've got form for cock-ups.
• Agent Help: If it's all too much, hire an accountant – many offer MTD packages for £20-£50/month. Cheaper than penalties.
• Avoid Common Traps: Don't mix personal/business – HMRC loves disallowing expenses. Track everything digitally from day one. For landlords: Separate property income clearly.
• HMRC "Help": Their webinars and guides are free but dry as dust. Join forums like AccountingWEB or Reddit's r/UKPersonalFinance for real-user tips.
• Ultimate Trick: Lobby your MP. This mess was delayed multiple times due to backlash – keep the pressure on for simplifications.

In short, prepare now, pick cheap software like QuickBooks or Xero, digitise everything, and treat it like a bad habit you can't shake. HMRC's "digital transformation" is just more chains for us while they rack up sick days and scandals.

Tax does have to be taxing.
But thanks to this MTD monstrosity, it's becoming a full-time second job.

Amazon "MTD Survival Gear" Suggestions

• Portable Scanner – for turning paper receipts into digital gold
• External Hard Drive – backup your records before HMRC "loses" them
• "Accounting for Dummies" Book – because HMRC assumes you're an expert
• Noise-Cancelling Headphones – for those webinar snoozefests
• Large Coffee Mug – fuel for quarterly crunches

 

HMRC Is Shite (www.hmrcisshite.com), also available via the domain www.hmrconline.com, is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

HMRC's Penalty Points "Revolution": Same Old Stick, Just Painted a Different Colour – And It Won't Fix a Bloody Thing

Morning, you battle-hardened taxpayers still nursing hangovers from the last brown envelope. Hot on the heels of trivial £50 demands and phantom billions, HMRC has unveiled its latest masterstroke: swapping the automatic £100 slap for late self-assessment returns with a shiny new penalty points system.

Launched in a quiet trial this month (January 2026) for 100 unlucky Making Tax Digital guinea pigs, before rolling out to the masses from April 2026/2027. No more instant £100 sting for a one-off miss. Instead, you get a "point". Rack up enough (two for annual filers in two years, four for quarterly MTD types), and bam – £200 fine. Repeat offenders get the bigger hit, while the occasional slipper gets "leeway". HMRC spins it as "fairer", targeting persistent dodgers rather than honest mistakes. Quote some accountant saying it's a "fairer alternative" and everyone's supposed to cheer.

Bollocks!

This isn't reform; it's window dressing on the same punitive regime that's been bleeding people dry for years. Here's why this points charade won't work and will probably make things worse:

• It doesn't address the root cause: HMRC's own incompetence – Late filing often stems from their glacial processing, wrong tax codes, helpline black holes, or systems that crash more often than a drunk on ice. You miss a deadline because their portal ate your return? Tough – point added. The system that punishes you stays broken.

• More admin, more confusion, more appeals – Now instead of one clear £100 hit, you've got a points ledger to track, thresholds varying by filing frequency, "soft landings" for MTD newbies, and points that stick around until you go two years clean. Good luck explaining that to a pensioner or freelancer who barely understands self-assessment now. Expect a surge in "reasonable excuse" appeals – which HMRC is notoriously rubbish at handling quickly or fairly.

• Repeat offenders were already getting hammered – Under the old system, miss three years running and you're into £10/day escalating penalties plus potential £300 "failure to notify" kicks. The persistent ones pay big anyway. This just delays the pain for the first couple of slips before whacking them harder (£200 per breach once threshold hit). Net result? Same revenue, more resentment.

• It's still revenue-raising dressed as fairness – The £200 fine is double the old £100 starter, and for quarterly MTD filers (coming for incomes over £50k then £30k), four points = four misses = £200 smack. With MTD forcing four times the submissions, the odds of racking points skyrocket. "Fairer"? Only if you believe HMRC when they say they're not just shifting the goalposts to extract more cash under the guise of leniency.

• No incentive to fix their shambles – Why would HMRC bother improving helplines, digital services, or error rates when they can keep penalising from afar? This system lets them hide behind "points" while the underlying chaos (backlogs, sick days, legacy IT) festers.

It's classic HMRC: announce something that sounds progressive ("points like driving licences!"), but deliver more hassle, higher potential costs, and zero accountability for their own failures. The little people get more hoops; the department gets to pretend it's modernising.

Tax does have to be taxing.
But turning compliance into a game of penalty points while your own house is on fire? That's just cynical, bureaucratic sleight-of-hand.

Amazon "Penalty Points Survival Kit" Suggestions

• Calendar & Reminder App Subscription – because forgetting now costs points
• "I've Got Penalty Points" Mug – ironic comfort drinking
• Noise-Cancelling Headphones – for the inevitable appeal hold music
• Shredder (Heavy Duty) – for when the points letter arrives
• Whisky Miniatures – medicinal, obviously

 

HMRC Is Shite (www.hmrcisshite.com), also available via the domain www.hmrconline.com, is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

HMRC Helplines Closed

 

As per HMRC

"Our helplines are currently closed due to a technical issue, which we're urgently working to resolve. We apologise to customers and advise them to try calling us later. Our digital services remain available."

 HMRC Is Shite (www.hmrcisshite.com), also available via the domain www.hmrconline.com, is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

HMRC's Trivial Pursuit: Chasing 300,000 Taxpayers for Pocket Change While the Helplines Stay Silent

Morning, you hardworking mugs still waiting for that refund or trying to get through to an adviser without losing the plot. While HMRC's own staff rack up half a million sick days and Fujitsu finally gets the boot, the taxman has found time to bombard over 300,000 ordinary workers and pensioners with what can only be described as "trivial" tax demands – tiny little bills for peanuts that probably cost more to send than they're worth.

Fresh FOI figures for the 2023-24 tax year reveal a record 1.32 million simple assessments – double the average of the previous six years. Of those, a whopping 317,000 were for £100 or less, and nearly half (647,000, or 49%) demanded £300 or less. That's right: HMRC is spending your money printing, posting, and chasing brown envelopes for amounts that wouldn't cover a decent night out or a tank of petrol these days.

These "simple" assessments are meant to spare people the horror of full self-assessment – fair enough if it's straightforward. But when you're hitting pensioners who've never considered themselves "taxpayers" before, just because a frozen personal allowance (£12,570, stuck since 2021 and now extended to 2031) plus a rising state pension tips them over by a few quid? That's not simplification; that's bureaucratic bullying.

The rise is pure fiscal drag – thresholds frozen while everything else creeps up – pulling more folk into the net by stealth. Experts like Ian Futcher from Quilter call it exactly that: a steady creep that's now forcing HMRC to administer "nothing more than £100" while piling shock and hassle on recipients who thought their tax was sorted.

And the cherry on top? Former pensions minister Steve Webb (now at LCP) points out that in some cases, the cost of collecting these trivial sums probably exceeds what they raise. Yet HMRC's boss has defended using debt collectors for as little as £89. Brilliant priorities: hound grannies for a tenner while the phone lines stay jammed and refunds take years.

Rachel Reeves promised in her Budget that from April 2027, pure state pensioners won't get chased for "small amounts" via simple assessments. How generous – after years of this nonsense. Meanwhile, savers, workers with a bit of interest, or anyone else caught in the drag keep getting the brown envelope treatment. And good luck querying it when the hold music is longer than a tax year.

This is peak HMRC: obsessed with squeezing every last penny from the little people, no matter how inefficient, while the big systemic cock-ups (Horizon anyone?) drag on forever.

Tax does have to be taxing.

But wasting resources on trivia while ignoring real incompetence? That's just taking the mickey.

Amazon "Brown Envelope Survival Kit" Suggestions

• Envelope Opener – because some letters deserve dramatic flair
• "Trivial Pursuit" Board Game – ironic entertainment for when you're waiting on hold
• Stress Ball Set – squeeze one every time another £50 bill lands
• "I Owe HMRC £47.82" Mug – fill with something medicinal
• Shredder – for the ones you know are wrong (after checking, obviously)

HMRC Is Shite (www.hmrcisshite.com), also available via the domain www.hmrconline.com, is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Angela Rayner's £40k Stamp Duty Dodge: HMRC Finally Wakes Up and Opens Investigation

Morning, you lot still battling HMRC's helpline hell while the bigwigs play fast and loose with the rules. Spare a thought for the ordinary punter getting hammered for a late filing, because up in the gilded corridors of power, Deputy Prime Minister Angela Rayner has just been caught short-changing the taxman by a cool £40,000 on her swanky £800k seaside flat in Hove.

That's right – our Angela, the firebrand who spent years railing against Tory tax dodgers and calling positions "untenable" when the likes of Nadhim Zahawi got tangled with HMRC, has now got the Revenue sniffing around her own affairs. She bought the three-bed pad back in May 2025, paying a measly £30k in stamp duty by claiming it was her only gaff. But thanks to some fancy footwork with a family trust (set up for her disabled son, fair play on that front), complex "deeming provisions" meant she still counted as owning the old place. Result? She should have coughed up the higher second-home rate – £70k total.

Blames "inaccurate legal advice" from conveyancers who insist they never gave tax advice at all. Used HMRC's own online calculator, apparently. Sound familiar? It's the same shambolic system that spits out wrong answers for the rest of us, but when you're a minister, suddenly it's everyone else's fault.

Now HMRC's launched a proper probe – looking at whether it was "careless" (code for penalty time, potentially another £8k-£40k on top) or worse. Interest already ticking up at punishing rates. And this from the woman whose government is eyeing even higher property taxes while preaching about "closing the tax gap".

Hypocrisy on stilts. If this was a Tory, she'd be leading the baying pack. Instead, she's referring herself to the ethics watchdog, promising to pay up, and hoping it all blows over. Meanwhile, you and I get penalties for honest mistakes because we can't afford "expert counsel".

Tax does have to be taxing.
But for the elite, it seems optional until the spotlight hits.

Amazon "Cheer Yourself Up After Yet Another Politician Tax Scandal" Suggestions
(affiliate links – because retail therapy is the only therapy we plebs get)

• Seaside Getaway Candle – dream of Hove without the tax bill
• "Rules For Thee But Not For Me" Mug – perfect for your morning brew
• Stamp Duty Calculator Stress Ball – squeeze it hard
• Hypocrisy Detector – though it'd explode around Westminster
• Gin. Large bottle.

 

HMRC Is Shite (www.hmrcisshite.com), also available via the domain www.hmrconline.com, is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Children's Daycare Centre With ZERO Children

I assume that HMRC will be investigating this organisation?

HMRC Is Shite (www.hmrcisshite.com), also available via the domain www.hmrconline.com, is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

85,000 Companies Registered at Shelton Street!

 

One address and 85,000 companies: Welcome to Shelton Street!

As per The Times according to Companies House, just over 22,000 new companies were incorporated at 71-75 Shelton Street last year: an average of almost 90 companies for each working day. 

 On the HM Revenue & Customs (HMRC) list of named tax avoidance schemes, promoters, enablers and suppliers, many of the 246 companies named are, or were, registered at one of the three mass registration addresses. Seventeen firms are tied to 71-75 Shelton Street.

Dan Neidle, the founder of Tax Policy Associates, a think tank, set up a fraud-finding tool this year designed to help uncover suspicious UK companies. Searching by address, mass registration addresses generate a high number of hits. At 71-75 Shelton Street, for example, there are 40 results.

HMRC need to take a look at this place! 

 HMRC Is Shite (www.hmrcisshite.com), also available via the domain www.hmrconline.com, is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"